Trew to the Game: Watching the Saints in Portland

I was somewhere in Texas during the Jaguars game and I was somewhere on the California-Arizona border during the Panthers game. I’m grateful to be traveling, but man, it hurts not being in the city, the city, during Saints games. After being away for so long and now to leave…during October, even…is very, very difficult.

Currently I’m in Portland. This place is as hard to navigate as it is fun to be in (very). As a result, I arrive at the Bucket Brigade with about 3:00 to go in the first quarter. My preferred method of catching up is scoping Jeff Duncan’s tweets. One time I asked him to RT me because I told him it would boost book sales. He did, and his sales went up by at least one. Speaking of…

I feel like a bad Saints fan because Sean Payton has a knee brace on and is coaching from the sideline. I have no clue what’s going on until I get to Jeff’s tweet about The Graham Reaper falling on coach. I still feel bad, but this isn’t about me. It’s about Sean Payton. Speaking of…

Sean Payton is trending on Twitter! I think Drew Brees has trended before as well. On a game day, that’s no easy feat. I enjoy news like this, as it’s a reminder of how appealing the Saints are on a national level now. Speaking of…

People in Portland really hate Tom Brady. All of the voices behind me are mocking him every chance they get. It’s not annoying at all, as picking on Tom Brady’s hair and personal life are very fresh and interesting topics. I reach for my headphones and WWL radio. Speaking of…

I forgot my headphones in the car as my tour pals would rather explore the books shops, strip clubs and bakeries of PDX than watch me watch NFL. Weird, I know. My penalty is that I have to listen to this weird mixture of fans that you’ll come across in any city that appreciates the NFL but doesn’t have a team. Speaking of…

There’s either a Houston Convention or an Oakland Clambake in Oregon because this place is crawling with blue/red and silver/black. The waitress comes to take my order and since I’m not driving and I’m watching sports I get a Gatorade. Speaking of…

Josh Freeman puckers his mouth all weird while drinking his Gatorade. Like an old man cartoon character. Speaking of…

Every time I see that Tampa Bay ship I chuckle. I think that ship is the Chris Paul of field decorations. Bucs fans probably think it’s awesome and everyone else is annoyed. Also the ship once recorded a steal in a record 108 consecutive games. I bet if the Saints had a fleur-de-lis cannon that shot out fleur de-lis’ after every touchdown we’d love it. Speaking of…

My pal Atticus Rowe (lover of New Orleans, Cowboys fan) texts me in the second quarter and wants to know if the New Orleans pirate culture is torn on their loyalties whenever the Saints play the Bucs. Really good question. Speaking of…

It’s halftime now and the Saints are down 20-10. I’m the only Saints fan at The Bucket Brigade and the eyes are all on me. They are probably wondering if I’m a real fan. I prove to them that I am by getting over-excited about that missed 55 yard field goal. Speaking of…

The two most satisfying things to me in football that are not really that glamorous at all are winning the time of possession battle and the other team missing a field goal. I pump my fists, look at the score, get nervous then remind myself that we have Drew Brees and it’s still the 3rd quarter. Speaking of…

It’s still the 3rd quarter and I haven’t ordered anything besides this Gatorade. The place isn’t busy enough for me to feel really that bad about it. It’s not my fault, this is what I ate this morning:


Okay, maybe it is my fault. The guy behind the counter saw my Saints shirt and asked if I was “going to the game.” I regret not replying with “Yes! Which way to Raymond James?” Speaking of… 

My thoughts on the naming rights is as follows. If I were the Director of New Orleans Sports Culture, I would have the Arena named the “Louisiana Seafood Arena” and the Superdome dubbed “The Zatarains Dome”. More on this later. It’ll be good.

The 4th quarter comes and brings with it a sense of urgency, nausea and headache. Two of those things are related to the game, the other most likely related to that giant biscuit with bacon and gravy that I put in my body. Meanwhile the Saints are doing the equivalent on field. They are playing sloppy (gravy), turning the ball over a lot (bacon) and letting opportunities pass (biscuit). Two of those things actually make sense.

It’s the end of the game, I’m on my feet and we get to the complete pass challenge. The box in the upper left corner reads “NO Challenge” while they keep replaying the catch. Nearly every table around me expresses their confusion, wondering why they are reviewing the play if “there is NO challenge”. They forget two important things here. One, that New Orleans abbreviated is “NO” and that television networks never display graphics when teams don’t challenge.

The pass is complete, the clock is ticking and I pack my bag. I leave a Gatorade-sized tip, get in the rental and turn on Saints radio. I’m thankful for the opportunity to watch the Black & Gold on the road but sadly, the Saints are 0-3 whenever I’m in Oregon.

P.S. I’m trying really hard to purchase the Hornets. Video proof:

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3 comments post your own

  1. Pingback: Portland Strip Clubs: Trew to the Game: Watching the Saints in Portland | All The News For Portland Escorts.

  2. Tom Proctor

    Terp2it for Hornets owner!

  3. Kyle Austin

    Man, I look forward to reading this article every week. I know what happened in the game, but getting to experience it from another point of view is exciting…especially Chris’s point of view. Keep em coming man!!

    Also, I would vote for you to own the Hornets. I know you would do what is best for the team, and the city of NO.

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