My name is Chris Trew. My place here isn’t to break down game footage or give you position-by-position analysis. I’m coming at you from a different angle since the rest of Saints247 has that area pinned to the ground quite nicely. I’m a comedian by day and now a sports columnist by afternoon. Trew to the Game is going to be a semi-serious look at the local teams we love. This week it’s all about location, location, location.

This season seems special already. Here’s where I’ll be for the first three games of the season followed by places I recommend avoiding. Where will you be?

vs. Packers: We’ll be recreating February 7th, 2010 as closely as possible. This will involve heading to R Bar for a nervous drink in the afternoon then deciding the TV isn’t bright enough. Then we’ll go to the packed Maison on Frenchman to be the capicola in a people muffuletta. Afterwards we’ll second line through the quarter for three hours stopping twice to attempt (and fail at) climbing a statue on Decatur.
Saints 27, Packers 17

Avoid: Best Buy
This would be a decent choice if you want to watch multiple things at once (Big Brother on CBS, Wipeout on ABC, Bones on Fox), are underage and you work at Best Buy. If none of this describes you then do not go to Best Buy to watch the game.

vs. Bears: I’ve narrowed down my choices to “somewhere in the Garden District.” I need to be extra strategic here because we’re also putting together a big weekend over at The Shadowbox featuring a bunch of comedian pals from Chicago. I’ll want to avoid them during the game, I’m sure, because Chicago fans still haven’t forgotten about that tumbleset.
Saints 33, Bears 14

Avoid: Bubba Gump
Look, I honestly have never eaten here. Or seen the movie Forrest Gump. I actually don’t know anyone who has ever eaten here or seen the movie Forrest Gump. Forget that they have over 27,000 fans on Facebook. None of those people know what they are talking about. Those people are all very crazy. Very, very crazy. Please, no Forrest Gump spoilers in the comments.

Also Avoid: Touro Infirmary Waiting Room
Mainly because they don’t have flat screens.

vs. Texans: See above. Some Houston friends are coming in for a weekend’s worth of shows and while I think they are all nice people, I’m going to make sure there is at least 100 feet between us during this one. It would be miles if we still had Reggie Bush on our team. Miles running sideways. (I’ve reached my Reggie Bush joke quota in Week 1!)
Saints 24, Texans 21

Avoid: Your Friend’s Romantic Partner’s Friend’s House
If you fall into this trap, bring headphones and say something like “I’ve never watched a game in my life without listening to Third Eye Blind.” Then you should actually make yourself listen to Third Eye Blind for allowing yourself to fall into this trap.

Where will you be for the first three games of the season? Let us know in the comments below!